Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
