don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
