When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
