I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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