I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
