she woke up with a sticky ear
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We were destined to go to rehab together
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
