Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
