I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
