At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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