mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I need moral support for this bender
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
