so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
