What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
