Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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