I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
