I'm lost and stupid without you.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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