two words: eviction party
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
