Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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