Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
