yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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