I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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