Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I need a beard to bite.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
