the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
