please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
