i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
