The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
