I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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