Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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