Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
