Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My penis needs a shock collar
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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