i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
