White coat. Heels.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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