We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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