Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
