wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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