My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
