i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
