This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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