the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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