with your own penis?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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