Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
