I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
