Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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