My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Congratulations! We have a period
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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