I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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