Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
