Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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