Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
