I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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