so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
