Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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