Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
