His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
