I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Randomize
