The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I need to wash the frat house off of me
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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